I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
