i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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