yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
