You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
