What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
