Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
