I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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