I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
