I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you had me at cake vodka
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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