seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
