I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's always time for handjobs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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