I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
