so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
