what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
