I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this just has baby written all over it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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