Umm I'm too high to move.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
