shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
