Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
