I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize