sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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