it wasn't lemon gatorade
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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