I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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