Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You can't just leave with hair like that
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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