Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize