TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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