Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
