Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
