What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
