I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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