remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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