Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
