things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
