What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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