Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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