why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
