i think i have two assholes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize