She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
