When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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