my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
