Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
