they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Boobs speak an international language.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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