and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
