I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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