i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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