OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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