I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
