So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
