that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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