dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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