when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize