I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
