I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize