puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
