Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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