Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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