Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't deserve a penis
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
