i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
