apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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