Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
now i know why i became what i already was.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
