billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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