The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
