ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize