I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
