Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
