this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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